There 'aint no party like my Nana's tea party.

Hi.

No surprise to anyone that it's Christmas time. Here's what my week looks like:

Monday: Worked

Tuesday: Worked

Wednesday: Will work, night; Travel to OMAHA.

Thursday: Christmas! Celebrate with Phillips side of family

Friday: Chill, travel to Elm Creek, NE in afternoon to celebrate with Simmerman side

Saturday: Elm Creek-y things

Sunday: afternoon; travel back to Omaha, and then Des Moines.

I can say with full confidence that this will be the hardest holiday of my life. No Grandmas.

Last year at Christmas, Grandma Simmerman was already gone. It was awful. I hear things aren't so well with Grandpa S. still (understandably). Grandma Phillips was still here...but not herself at times. She was hilarious though. I'll never forget how she confiscated all of the grandchildren's airsoft guns. She posed for a wicked awesome picture: totally Gram-bo. Three months later, she was gone, too.

Fond Memories:

Grandma and Grandpa S. live in a super small town, so Grandma would order our presents from catalogues. For years, she ordered Kati and I, what we called, "cat shirts". Basically the name says it all, but they were t-shirts with pictures of cats on them. Old lady looking, but we always got a kick out of them. We'd give them to our mom and laugh about getting another for the next holiday. It wasn't terribly random of her; we loved cats (a love we actually GOT from her. After she died, I told Drew I absolutely needed a cat, so we went out and got Miley.). I'd give anything for a cat t-shirt this Christmas.

After she died, someone older told Kati, "I still miss my grandma." I don't expect the pain to ever go away, or even fade. Don't get me wrong, I don't wallow in sorrow every day, but every time I think about my grandmas, it stings just as badly as it did when it happened.

I must not cry, though. That's the hardest part. How can I not? And honestly, the reason I have to stop doesn't exactly help me to stop: Grandma P HATED it when we cried. She would cry, too. Over anything. One time I was over at her house watching a sad movie, I started crying and, since she was deaf and didn't know the movie was sad, she thought I was upset and she started crying, too. I told her it was just the movie, but she still just hated to see me cry.

Every time I want to just bawl my eyes out, because, you know what? It's just not fair..... anyways... I picture Grandma looking at me with tears in her eyes, and somehow, I force myself to stop.

Oh Grandmas, there was so much left to do with you.

Both of my Grandmas loved birds, as do I. I'm going to get a bird tattoo for them.... I just.....

I just have to.

God blessed me with an amazing amazing family. I have to use "amazing" twice. "Scrumtrelescent" isn't even a strong enough word to describe how wonderful my family is. I am so lucky to have had such wonderful Grandmothers that helped me become who I am today. They raised wonderful children. I have the best parents in the world. Their legacy will carry on.

Grandma and Grandpa Simmerman (Left), Grandma and Grandpa Phillips (Right)

This was the last time I saw my Grandma S. alive. It's hard to look at the wedding pictures.

Pray for my Grandpas. Especially Simmerman.

Thank you,

Lauren