Turn that frown upside down. Right now. Do it.

The second Drew and I moved to Des Moines, I wanted out. Omaha was my homaha...nowhere else. I lived there almost four years, but my head was always in Omaha.

It seemed like a dream come true to have the opportunity to move back, but it's been terrible.

I had it good in Des Moines but I wasn't looking around, I was looking over to the other side of the fence.

In my head and heart, I know that God moved us here for a reason.... and that everything that has happened here has been for a reason and will ultimately be used for good. So glad that is truth.

I've been looking lots of places for happiness and, surprise, haven't found it anywhere I looked. Every step I have been taking has ripped my focus and self-esteem to shreds.

I love Beth Moore books. "Get out of that Pit" was my first taste and now I'm trying "Breaking Free". Both books (especially the first) reference being stuck in a pit and the various ways you get into a pit. I am, without a doubt, in a giant self-made pit. The thing that is encouraging though is the books say that the only way you can't leave a pit is if you refuse to leave.

I want the flip out. I'm gonna get out.

My trouble is constantly remembering truths. I always go back to "but I did this! but this happened! no one loves me! I'm a freak here!" So I'm gonna start listing truths right now for my own benefit. Hopefully this will be something that I reference when I'm spazing about how much I hate myself.

1. God loves me; no matter what I've done or will do.
2. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
3. God knows what has happened in the past and will use it for His ultimate good.
4. I have a purpose.
5. God doesn't want me to live with a spirit of fear and depression.
6. My worth doesn't come from others.
7. I can only control myself, not others.
8. God has provided me with a wonderful family.
9. God has provided me with wonderful friends, even if they are far away.
10. I don't have to be perfect and please everyone at all times.
11. I have talents; I can sing, paint, draw, and make (most) people laugh (even if it is AT me!).
12. Satan wants me to fail and will do anything to make me fail.

There are more, obviously, but I'm having trouble concentrating at the moment. Such is Lauren.

If you have any to add, lemme know.

Now for a more lighthearted list. Things I want/am hoping for here in Omaha:

1. A movie twin: I've got a quirky sense of humor and I'd love someone to joke around with.
2. A farmers market buddy.
3. A Bible study buddy(ies); not giant, informal group. Close, personal friends.
4. A rocker buddy: someone who likes to jump around at shows like I do.
5. Heck, I just want someone who is genuinely happy to see me every day because of who I am and not what I do. Oh, and someone who doesn't get sick of listening to me talk.

I don't want to waste the opportunities I've been given by God.
Sulking no more.

Lauren out.