In true Lauren fashion, here is a new post over a year later than the last post was posted.
We're having a baby! Who'd have thought, eh? I kinda didn't... anyways....
At the moment, I'm 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant and completely miserable. The first few weeks after we found out I felt pretty good. Hit-by-a-bus tired, but good. Then came week six.
Nausea set in like I never thought possible. I just kept saying to myself, everyone has this, it'll pass, just tough it out and you'll be fine. Well contrary to what I was told was possible, it just kept getting worse. I was having to run out of my classroom at work to go throw up, etc. I tried everything; vitamin B6 (made it worse), only eating bland carbs (hate myself!), ginger ale (swamp mouth aftertaste), and last but not least, preggie pops. Preggie pops are special suckers designed with all sorts of nutrients and witchcraft that are supposed to cure your morning sickness. Oh I dare not even go into detail as to what these horrid things did to my already weak and confused body. I should have known when I first put one in my mouth that this was not a good idea when I discovered that my go-to flavor, purple, was not grape, but was, in fact, LAVENDER. It tasted like lawn clippings and basil.
After not being able to function and eventually not being able to keep down food or even water, resulting in missing work and slipping into death, my doctor put me on Zofran. It worked WONDERS..... for about a week. I'm still on it but lately I've had to starting face-visiting the toilet again.
Half of the people I talk to say I just have to stick it out a few more weeks and it'll all go away and I'll feel amazing. The other half say they or someone they knew were sick like this the entire nine months. Surely I'll be dead by then.
Don't get me wrong: I'm very thankful and feel extremely blessed that God chose to give us a child. This is something that has been prayed for, many times with lots of tears, for quite some time. I know that in seven more months, this will be just a faint memory and I will be so thankful that I went thru it. Right now, I'm just discouraged.
Discouraged that the zofran isn't seeming to work like it did when I started taking it. Discouraged that I feel like a failure as a wife (I go to work and use all of my energy and I get home around 5:30 and go right to bed, feeling like I'm dying). Discouraged about work (help?? ANYONE???). Discouraged that I just don't seem to have the energy to enjoy anything lately. Discouraged that I need new clothes for my growing (fatty fat fat) body but I don't have the time or energy (or lets face it, money!) to go to the store and buy some!
It's so silly sometimes though. I'm pregnant, not dying of cancer. This is a positive thing. I'm just inundated with extreme negativity all the time. I know that hormones are kicking my butt, too, and that how you feel about circumstances is your own choice, but sometimes it seems as though people are deliberately trying to make things harder for me!
I guess what would be helpful right now is just prayer. Lots of prayer. Prayer for strength, energy, joy, peace, good friends being 'louder' to me than the rude, selfish people, encouragement, and my 'impossible' prayer request....a change at work. Either a new job or a positive change that would make life more "I can do this!" and less "I'm gonna die!"
God is good and I know that He gives me strength according to each days trials and I've definitely seen that in my life. God has done amazing things in my life in 2012 and I know great things are yet to come.
On a happy note, we have names picked out! Haha. Not telling:). I'm just weirdly thankful that our baby, no matter what 'it' is, has a name. We will hopefully find out late September/early October! I'm leaning towards wanting a girl just because our family doesn't have a girl grandchild yet and it would be fun. I will be ecstatic with either, though :D. I just want healthy!!!
Well, that's all for now. First trimester post; done.
Thank you.
Lauren (& Baby)
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