This kid owes me epic mothers day gifts.

Kati (my sister) has already said that my kid is never gonna hear the end of how miserable this pregnancy was. Pretty much.

I figure since the second trimester is officially over this coming Thursday, I should post an update.

The morning sickness has gotten much better. I only throw up a few times a week as opposed to a few times a day and I no longer have to take Zofran (yay!!!). The trial of this trimester began when I fell at work. I twisted my lower back and did some muscle/nerve damage which the doctor said as the baby grows, it will get worse. Boy it did! I'm on lifting restriction at work and most days I walk like Frankenstein when I get home. I did discover that wearing crap shoes helps! I have bad joints anyway and the shoes I was wearing were too good; they would help my feet and knees not hurt but send the pain straight to my back. I started wearing bad shoes which pretty much eliminates back pain but kills my knees and feet. I've decided that the latter is the lesser of the evils. Now that I've created an extremely fascinating paragraph, lets move on.

My belly is huge! I can't believe that it's only going to get bigger and bigger without bursting. I'm now on a regimen of vitamin e oil on my belly every night so I hopefully avoid looking like my skin contains lightning. If it happens it happens though! Sidenote: this baby is going to be a karate master.

The most exciting news of the trimester is that baby Schneider is a BOY! We have a name picked out and we're not telling. Na na na boo boo. You'll only have to wait about three more months to find out :). I can't wait to see the little man. I can only predict that he is a werewolf based on my reflux.

In non-baby-life news here's what's been going on and what is to come:

-Drew and I had the opportunity to spend a week in Vero Beach, Florida this past October. It. Was. Heaven.
-Drew has started working for Natures Kitchen dog foods. He is doing an amazing job and I am very proud of him! The goal is for this to take over for both of our full time jobs (it definitely has the potential!!!)
-In late October, we had to say goodbye to the best pet I've ever had. Hot Rod stopped eating suddenly and it killed his liver so we had to put him to sleep. He was only four. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. He seriously was the BEST. Haven't stopped missing him.
-Since Hot Rod passed, we adopted two kittens that we named Sherlock and Watson. They will never replace Hot Rod, but they're very sweet and crazy!
Coming up:
-We'll be spending our Thanksgiving in Michigan with Drew's family! I'm very much looking forward to getting there....not so much about the ten hour drive! My natural tendency towards car sickness is only exacerbated by pregnancy. I'm also toying with the idea of participating in Black Friday this year ONLY for the purpose of buying stuff for the baby. Pray for us!
-I'm so ready for Christmas and pretty snow! Not looking forward to driving in it... just looking at it. I'm hoping our family friend Kayo will fly in from Japan to spend the holiday with us again. She's a good time :).
-I will be turning 26 in January...I have a feeling I'll be a little more 'beached whale-y' and will not want to celebrate....but I'll still want cupcakes. Lots of  cupcakes.
-February....baby time.

I am so thankful for the blessings God has given us this past year. I've seen miracles happen. God is good.

See you in the third trimester!
Lauren

Purple Preggie Pops are NOT grape.

In true Lauren fashion, here is a new post over a year later than the last post was posted.


We're having a baby! Who'd have thought, eh? I kinda didn't... anyways....

At the moment, I'm 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant and completely miserable. The first few weeks after we found out I felt pretty good. Hit-by-a-bus tired, but good. Then came week six.

Nausea set in like I never thought possible. I just kept saying to myself, everyone has this, it'll pass, just tough it out and you'll be fine. Well contrary to what I was told was possible, it just kept getting worse. I was having to run out of my classroom at work to go throw up, etc. I tried everything; vitamin B6 (made it worse), only eating bland carbs (hate myself!), ginger ale (swamp mouth aftertaste), and last but not least, preggie pops. Preggie pops are special suckers designed with all sorts of nutrients and witchcraft that are supposed to cure your morning sickness. Oh I dare not even go into detail as to what these horrid things did to my already weak and confused body. I should have known when I first put one in my mouth that this was not a good idea when I discovered that my go-to flavor, purple, was not grape, but was, in fact, LAVENDER. It tasted like lawn clippings and basil.

After not being able to function and eventually not being able to keep down food or even water, resulting in missing work and slipping into death, my doctor put me on Zofran. It worked WONDERS..... for about a week. I'm still on it but lately I've had to starting face-visiting the toilet again.

Half of the people I talk to say I just have to stick it out a few more weeks and it'll all go away and I'll feel amazing. The other half say they or someone they knew were sick like this the entire nine months. Surely I'll be dead by then.

Don't get me wrong: I'm very thankful and feel extremely blessed that God chose to give us a child. This is something that has been prayed for, many times with lots of tears, for quite some time. I know that in seven more months, this will be just a faint memory and I will be so thankful that I went thru it. Right now, I'm just discouraged.

Discouraged that the zofran isn't seeming to work like it did when I started taking it. Discouraged that I feel like a failure as a wife (I go to work and use all of my energy and I get home around 5:30 and go right to bed, feeling like I'm dying). Discouraged about work (help?? ANYONE???). Discouraged that I just don't seem to have the energy to enjoy anything lately. Discouraged that I need new clothes for my growing (fatty fat fat) body but I don't have the time or energy (or lets face it, money!) to go to the store and buy some!

It's so silly sometimes though. I'm pregnant, not dying of cancer. This is a positive thing. I'm just inundated with extreme negativity all the time. I know that hormones are kicking my butt, too, and that how you feel about circumstances is your own choice, but sometimes it seems as though people are deliberately trying to make things harder for me!

I guess what would be helpful right now is just prayer. Lots of prayer. Prayer for strength, energy, joy, peace, good friends being 'louder' to me than the rude, selfish people, encouragement, and my 'impossible' prayer request....a change at work. Either a new job or a positive change that would make life more "I can do this!" and less "I'm gonna die!"

God is good and I know that He gives me strength according to each days trials and I've definitely seen that in my life. God has done amazing things in my life in 2012 and I know great things are yet to come.

On a happy note, we have names picked out! Haha. Not telling:). I'm just weirdly thankful that our baby, no matter what 'it' is, has a name. We will hopefully find out late September/early October! I'm leaning towards wanting a girl just because our family doesn't have a girl grandchild yet and it would be fun. I will be ecstatic with either, though :D. I just want healthy!!!

Well, that's all for now. First trimester post; done.

Thank you.

Lauren (& Baby)

Turn that frown upside down. Right now. Do it.

The second Drew and I moved to Des Moines, I wanted out. Omaha was my homaha...nowhere else. I lived there almost four years, but my head was always in Omaha.

It seemed like a dream come true to have the opportunity to move back, but it's been terrible.

I had it good in Des Moines but I wasn't looking around, I was looking over to the other side of the fence.

In my head and heart, I know that God moved us here for a reason.... and that everything that has happened here has been for a reason and will ultimately be used for good. So glad that is truth.

I've been looking lots of places for happiness and, surprise, haven't found it anywhere I looked. Every step I have been taking has ripped my focus and self-esteem to shreds.

I love Beth Moore books. "Get out of that Pit" was my first taste and now I'm trying "Breaking Free". Both books (especially the first) reference being stuck in a pit and the various ways you get into a pit. I am, without a doubt, in a giant self-made pit. The thing that is encouraging though is the books say that the only way you can't leave a pit is if you refuse to leave.

I want the flip out. I'm gonna get out.

My trouble is constantly remembering truths. I always go back to "but I did this! but this happened! no one loves me! I'm a freak here!" So I'm gonna start listing truths right now for my own benefit. Hopefully this will be something that I reference when I'm spazing about how much I hate myself.

1. God loves me; no matter what I've done or will do.
2. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
3. God knows what has happened in the past and will use it for His ultimate good.
4. I have a purpose.
5. God doesn't want me to live with a spirit of fear and depression.
6. My worth doesn't come from others.
7. I can only control myself, not others.
8. God has provided me with a wonderful family.
9. God has provided me with wonderful friends, even if they are far away.
10. I don't have to be perfect and please everyone at all times.
11. I have talents; I can sing, paint, draw, and make (most) people laugh (even if it is AT me!).
12. Satan wants me to fail and will do anything to make me fail.

There are more, obviously, but I'm having trouble concentrating at the moment. Such is Lauren.

If you have any to add, lemme know.

Now for a more lighthearted list. Things I want/am hoping for here in Omaha:

1. A movie twin: I've got a quirky sense of humor and I'd love someone to joke around with.
2. A farmers market buddy.
3. A Bible study buddy(ies); not giant, informal group. Close, personal friends.
4. A rocker buddy: someone who likes to jump around at shows like I do.
5. Heck, I just want someone who is genuinely happy to see me every day because of who I am and not what I do. Oh, and someone who doesn't get sick of listening to me talk.

I don't want to waste the opportunities I've been given by God.
Sulking no more.

Lauren out.

Back to the Future

It's amazing how much I've thought, over the years, that if I could only go back in time, I could teach 'past Lauren' a thing or two. "Avoid this, pursue that" type of stuff.

Yeah, I've definitely done some things I'm not proud of at all, but 'past Lauren' reminded me today that there isn't anything that can happen in my life that God won't use for good. She schooled me.

I just got done reading all of my past blog posts. It's so interesting to see how my focus has changed as of late. Well, more like terrible.

My last post discussed the upcoming move back to Omaha. Excited and scared of the uncertainty that awaited us at our new home. Looking back, I wish I was better equipped (emotionally and spiritually) for such a change.

Highs and Lows:

-We have wonderful renters for our house in Des Moines.

-We're way closer to my family.

-Cupcake Island. (If you know it, you understand.)

-Not terribly happy with our living situation.

-I failed to realize that my 'Omaha friends' all moved away.

-I got fat again. (Haha...cupcake island.)

I'm currently working as an infant teacher for Bright Horizons. It is a great job. No job is perfect, but it's a great job. It keeps me quite busy!

I don't do much 'art' anymore for myself. Just not excited or inspired as much anymore.

Drew loves his job so much. He is the best at what he does and he's due to get a big, well-deserved promotion pretty soon. I'm so proud of how hard he works. The downside is that he works A LOT. It's not unusual for him to have a 70 hour work week. Working open to close and beyond. Once he had a 19 hour work day. I can't believe his strength. I'm sure he's so exhausted but he never seems like it! Like a boss.

Unfortunately for us, though, his work schedule leaves me home alone a lot. I didn't realize how much it was weighing on me till recently.

Something I probably took for granted in Des Moines were my Christian friends. I'd give anything to have Lisa Nelson Rogan (haha) here every day. What I had, friend-wise, in Des Moines was very rare.

I'd like a Bible study to go to with girls my age. Spiritual connection and growth is what I crave now. I need it.

I lived in Omaha 20 years before Drew and I got married and moved away. Now I'm back and somehow, it seems larger. I feel like a small fish in a big pond. Lost in everything that goes on around me. Unnoticed. It's a day to day struggle to keep swimming. Let's just say that if my life were that "Footprints in the Sand" poem, this scene of my life most definitely has one set of footprints.

Sometimes it feels like I'm back at square one again. I guess the positive side of knowing this is that I know what I have to do. My focus is kaput. My thoughts are trash. My eyes are not on what they should be.

This ends now. I've made mistakes; big and small. Satan knows I don't know how to forgive myself. There is a wonderful song that, lately, has become my 'mantra'.

Jason Gray "I Am New"

Now I won't deny

The worst you could say about me

But I'm not defined

By mistakes that I've made

Because God says of me

I am not who I was

I am being remade

I am new

I am chosen and holy

And I'm dearly loved

I am new

That's just a portion.

Every time I start to hate myself all over again, I think "I am new."

Time has gotten away from me again. I've got to go. I wish I could end by saying that I'm doing great now, but I'm still in this struggle. The good news is that the presence of a struggle means there is a fight going on, and God will win. Even while I'm in this, I'm starting to see God's hand in everyday things and people. I love it. It makes me feel like I'm back from the dead.

This is an opportunity for growth.

I don't know who still reads this, but if you'd pray for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

The past is the past. I can't get back to the future without letting go of it. Somehow I feel like getting plutonium for a delorian is easier. Hmm.

Love love love,

Lauren

The Times, They are A-Changin'

The first line of my last post is a little ironic, considering this post comes over a year after it. Anyway, that isn't the point.

In less than a month, I will no longer be an Iowan. The day will soon come, the day I've wished for ever since we moved here, that I will return to my motherland. Omaha, Nebraska, here we come!

It was a sudden opportunity that was thrust upon us, but things are falling into place and I'm glad I don't have to plan a thing. Basically, as of right now, the only 'worry' we've got is renting out our home in Des Moines. It will happen though. Everything else has.

I've known we were going to be moving ever since Wednesday, September 8, at 4:30 p.m. However, the reality of the situation is just starting to hit me.

At first, I cried. I want to live in Omaha. I want to live near my family. I want a better job. I. Want. OUT. But.... all of my best friends are here! I didn't make any friends in college, that fact and some other situations that had occurred in my life led me to believe that I was just thoroughly and completely unlovable and unlikeable. My daycare coworkers proved that wrong. I've never met so many wonderful people that make me feel like I'm wonderful too. People I have REAL fun with. People who make me laugh till I cry. People who I can talk to and will listen and care.

Then there are the children I work with every day. I never leave for the day without getting at least one hundred hugs.

Between my friends and the children, I've given away so many pieces of my heart I won't be returning to Omaha with much of a heart at all. So much love to all my friends.

Tomorrow I am turning in my two weeks notice. The above feelings are still true, I will miss my friends and children very much, but I could not be more excited to only have two weeks left! I wanna party! I feel like Ferris Bueller. I'm gonna hijack a parade. Seriously, let's have a party or two before I'm gone, eh?

Now is where I get sentimental.

I've learned so much in the three years (has it only been three???) I've lived here. I'll not share the obvious adventures of learning to live 'on my own', being married, etc. Just the not so obvious ones.

I already spoke of making friends. I'll admit. I'm a loser! I'm a complete dweeby dork. I never understood why people liked me and understood completely when they decided they didn't like me anymore. This attitude made me feel like Chris Farley in "Tommy Boy" at the restaurant when he illustrates what he does with his 'pets' (clients) by using a dinner roll.(Not gonna explain the reference, go see the movie.)

I've learned that when Satan sees something in your life that you struggle with (i.e. confidence), he grabs hold and pulls with everything he's got. I wasn't thinking on the truth, I was believing lies that I was worthless and no one could possibly ever genuinely like me. God provided me with some of the best friends I've ever had and showed me the truth.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not arrogant. But I'm not worthless. I am a child of God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a sinner who has been forgiven and cleansed. I am blessed.

I am talented. My friends at work sparked a passion in me. I was asked if I was artistic and replied "kinda" and the rest is history. I've done art project after art project for work and love making things with my hands. I want to do this. I've started freelance art projects and intend to do it more and more in the future. My heart is in woodburning, painting, drawing, etc. I've been asked if I took art classes. No, I haven't. In high school, I never thought I was good enough. Everyone else at OCA seemed so out of my league. I was embarrassed so I did nothing. Not anymore. I can do this. I'll be taking art classes in Omaha just as soon as my little hands can find some. Anyway, that's the passion, that's the plan.

I can't talk about significant Iowa experiences without mentioning Caitlin. Probably the most significant person I've ever met. If you've ever seen a life and heart changed by God, you know what I mean. We've drifted apart a bit, but I will never forget her, and I will always love her and appreciate how God LET me be blessed enough to be a part of her life. I love you, Caitlin.

That's all for now. I'm sure I'll realize more later.

What adventures and trials await me in Omaha? Tune in to find out.

One thing is always true, wherever/ whenever. God is good and in control.



The line it is drawn, The curse it is cast
The slow one now will later be fast
As the present now will later be past
The order is rapidly fadin'
And the first one now will later be last
For the times, they are a-changin'.

Don't you know that it's just you...You'll do.

Wow, it has been quite a while since I last blogged. Then again, I usually don't have much to say, and as I mentioned in my first post ever, I probably wont write very frequently until I'm 'with child' or something... which I am not.

Anyway, kinda feeling like rambling tonight.


I am a tragic underachiever. I am smart, talented, creative, and what have you (at least I think so occasionally). I do not do much with said smarts, talent, and creativity.

In high school and college, I never found it terribly difficult to get good grades, but I've never been much of a school person. Recently I finished up classes at DMACC for my CDA (Child Development Associate) degree. Hated it! (Picture that said like those guys on "In Living Color".) I just cannot sit still for anything. My mind wanders like crazy. I am just not the kind of person that can sit and listen for a long time. There are very few people my mind can even concentrate on listening to (fortunately, Pastor Mike is one!!!). This CDA degree was a requirement for my job, which I love. I know for a fact that God put me in this job. His hand was so evident in every aspect of my hiring, etc. I am where I am supposed to be and I. Am. Happy. There.

Sometimes I feel a little 'left behind' though. Friends of mine are graduating from college after 4 years, and I went for like, a year and a quarter. I know it was God's plan, but to the world, I look like a failure, I'm sure. That hurts sometimes. It's easy to say, "Well, people's opinions don't matter." but not easy to set your mind to. These days, people are bombarded with the theory that if you don't go to school for 4 years or more and get a degree in something significant, you will fail at life. Whereas I completely beg to differ, it is sometimes hard to keep standing in the confidence of knowing that my pathetic college career that amounted to just about nothing is, in fact, good enough.

Sometimes I think I want to go back to school... but for what? I have ideas but I don't know how to achieve what I want to achieve. I cannot and will not sit in a classroom for hours on end. My brain can't handle it. I am convinced that I have autistic tendencies that went undiagnosed, haha.

I wish I could write. Write well. I don't want to write books or poems or haiku's or whatever. I want to write songs. I am so interested in music and singing but embarrassed to admit it out loud for fear of being one of those bad American Idol auditions. I love to sing. I have absolutely no confidence, but I love to sing. Drew doesn't even get to hear me that often! I'm just afraid of being judged, I guess. (Wow, I am Brennan from "Step Brothers"). I want to learn how to write a song. I'd love help. Here's the thing: I can't read music. I was in choir/ensemble for what, 12 years? Don't tell Mr. Nilius that I still can't read music! I took voice and piano lessons. I would just memorize what to do. Whatever. Louise Harrison told me that none of the Beatles could read music either... that kind of inspired me.... then again, I'm no John, Paul, or George... I'm not even Ringo.
I want to be in a band. The lead singer! I picture myself as a rock-ier version of John Mayer but without the tool like personality, sappy lyrics, or fondness for Jessica Simpson. In my dreams.


I do a lot of art projects around the daycare for various teachers. I love it! I was in mandatory art classes throughout elementary school but that's about it. I think I am pretty good sometimes. I'm told I'm good, too. I want to be better. I'd love to take a class on painting. I probably will eventually. I just don't want to have to paint some naked dude. I'll select the class I take carefully...

I've always loved acting. I have no idea if I was ever any good, haha. I did get most of the leads in high school. I don't want to be Reese Witherspoon. I want to be Zooey Deschanel or someone else who does more artistic films. Oh yeah, I want to do films. This is a lofty dream. Not one I entertain in my thoughts very often at all. Just thought I'd put it out there in case Tim Burton reads my blog.

Right now, I'm trying to figure things out. I feel like I don't know what it is that I 'do'. I'm pretty good at a bunch of things... I want to be excellent at 1 or 2 things at least. I guess I don't know what it is that I want exactly... some days I think I know, but then I can't figure out how to get there.

All I know is this; I want something more.


Naaaaaa Naaaa Naa, Na na Na naaaaaaaaaaa

This ended up being longer than I thought it would be.

Opportunity.

Last Sunday, April 12, My friend and coworker, Stacy, lost one of her beautiful 15 week old twin boys; a loss that I don't think the smartest person in the world could possibly wrap their brain around. I can't even imagine the pain that Stacy and her husband, Jared, are experiencing. My heart aches for them.

Little Easton was so tiny, so precious; he touched the life of everyone who knew him. All of my coworkers are pretty overwhelmed right now. Here is where opportunity knocks:

I don't know why this happened. I don't know what God's ultimate plan is, and I never will. I rejoice in the fact that Stacy and Jared are believers and can take comfort in knowing that they will see Easton again in heaven, but many of my coworkers do not share that knowledge.

How horrible is life and death to unbeliever's minds? No comfort in knowing that the Lord and Savior of the Universe is LOVE and even in this present suffering, there is hope?

This is where I see a huge opportunity: I want to show Christ to those people. I love all of my coworkers dearly and my heart aches for their salvation. I feel a bit insensitive when I think this but at the risk of that; I believe that God will use the tragedy of Easton's death to lead others to Him.

So many people are hurt and confused right now. I don't have all the answers. No one does. But I do know this: God knows. God has a plan that we may never understand. God loves his children and wants everyone to know Him.

If I died tomorrow, I would want others to be shown Christ. I would want God to use my death to point others to Him. I would want my friends and loved ones to know that I am in heaven with my Father, and they will see me again.

I'm not the most eloquent person in the world, and I, myself, am still trying to wrap my brain around this, but I know my God will help.

I ask for prayer, friends: Prayer for courage to speak about God to my coworkers. Prayer that my fellow Christian coworkers will join me. Prayer that people will be lead to Christ. And of course, prayer for the Van Egdom family. The loss of a child is something so terrible... Pray for comfort and wisdom. I pray that they will constantly look to God for help and that their faith will stay strong.

Thank you.
Lauren