Gypsy Life

Well my last post ended with, "see you in six months" so I'm only a teeny bit late I guess.

I'm going to be brutally honest...I'm really struggling right now so this post might not be terribly cheery. Here's what has been going on as of late.

It all started in mid-August. Drew's job threw us a total curve ball: please move again. Less than a year after we asked you to move the last time. To a brand-new city that you've never set foot in before. And we're totally going to screw you out of a good relocation package by the way. Enjoy!

So off we went! It was overwhelming and left my mind flooded with questions and emotions.

Why?
Is this really what we're supposed to do?
How is Jude going to handle this?
Was Drew's job actually going to be as great as was promised this time?
How long is this move for?
Where on earth are we going to end up next?
What did Fort Smith mean???

I wish I knew the answer to these questions. I do feel like this move was what God wanted for our family and He's definitely provided for us. Also, Jude has been really resilient and is seemingly adapting well to all of the changes. I was able to find him a new school (although I GREATLY miss his old one in Fort Smith) and a fantastic speech therapist, so I'm incredibly thankful for that! The other questions are a bit harder to deal with....

Drew's job is why we move. Where he goes, I go. Arkansas was supposed to be a wonderful job opportunity for him and it was absolutely not. It was hard for me to see him go through what he did... I mean, unfortunately it's not abnormal to have Drew come home from work looking like a dementor sucked out his soul...but this was supposed to be different. Why were we there if it was only causing more grief? It got so bad that we just knew in our heads and hearts that something big was going to change soon.....and along came Oklahoma. So far it seems like he's happier at his job here. I just hope that continues and even improves more with time! I hate seeing him unhappy.

Our contract in Arkansas was for 18 months. We were there just shy of 12 months. Most people ask how long we will be in Oklahoma...the simple answer is we are in another 18 month contract so we could be here anywhere from another month to another twenty years. Simple enough. Where next? Who knows. If it's up to us: Omaha. Hands down. We want Jude to grow up around family. We are so blessed with a great support system/family in Omaha and we miss it dearly. Sometimes it's hard to be content in our current situation because of what we've had before. We are by no means suffering, but we are basically gypsies that would like a place to finally call home...and to actually LIVE THERE.

When we were preparing to move to Arkansas, I was full of hope and faith that God had something huge planned for us. I dreamed of the awesome new friends I'd make and the people I'd help by being a great friend/listener/encourager/helper/whatever. Maybe I expected too much, but I was severely let down. Don't get me wrong: I definitely met some wonderful friends who I hope remain a big part of my life forever, but I also met some people I wish I hadn't haha. I look back on our time and think, "I don't get it?" What was it for? A test? A trial? I wanted to make an impact, and to be honest, I left feeling like I didn't matter at all. I don't understand all of the 'whys' of Fort Smith yet and maybe I never will. I cling to one thing though that honestly made all of the pain I went through worth it:

I had dinner with one of my best friends in Arkansas and we bawled our eyes out in that back booth of a diner expressing our feelings about my time here. She knew how worthless I felt and gave me the best compliment I think I've ever received in my entire life. She said I'd helped her get through hard times that she didn't think she could have survived without me. She said I helped make her strong. She said I taught her to stand up for herself.
She was probably the first person I knew that genuinely made me feel worth something. I'm not saying these things to toot my own horn, but those words meant more to me that she'll probably ever know. Words said crying over a big bowl of green bean fries :).

So now we're here in Edmond, Oklahoma. The area is about the size of Omaha but it just feels so big right now. We're starting over.........again. I poured my whole self into Fort Smith, AR trying to make it feel like home. Right now, its hard to muster up the energy to do it all over again...especially since I have no idea how long we'll be here. It's hard to live in a place and feel so invisible. Things take time, I know. It took me living in Arkansas for about seven months before I found "my people." Praying to find some good people here as well. I know I'm an odd person, but somehow I just feel even more out of place here right off the bat. It's a much larger city..."my people" may be harder to find. We are EXTREMELY  blessed to know some wonderful families that live in the area already. That's more than we had starting out in Arkansas! I think what will make a huge difference is when we find our church/small group "home" here. The trick is coming up with enough emotional energy to do so.

Sorry if this was negative. I don't really need clichés right now, just prayer and encouragement. I'm sure my next post will tell of great improvements to our lives here in Oklahoma. I know there's all the potential in the world.

Thanks for reading.
Lauren

In like a Lion

It's March! We are officially in our sixth month of living in Arkansas.

18 months:

1/3 down

2/3 to go

All of the sudden the weather decided to be a bit crap (the one thing Arkansas had going for them ;D), but it'll pass and I'm sure we'll soon be in sweltering heat. I'm so ready to take advantage of our pool!!!

Things are improving, slowly but surely. At this rate I'll be blissfully happy by the time we are called to leave. That's how life works, right? Haha. 

Jude is two now!!! Can you believe it? He is going to daycare two days a week and that has been awesome for both of us! I'm really hoping that being around other children more frequently will help Jude's vocabulary. He doesn't speak much. He prefers signing apparently, which isn't working for us anymore seeing as how I've exhausted all of my signing knowledge on him and the words "more", "please", and "all done" won't get him too far in life. We've already noticed an improvement in his speech since he started daycare a month ago. I'm sure once he starts I'll be wishing he'd be quiet just for even a minute. Again, that's how life works, right?

Drew is quite busy with his jobs at Biomat and Maverick. His workload is substantial but his schedule, for the most part, has never been better. Until we moved, it was HIGHLY unusual for Drew to have dinner at home. Now he's home almost every night. Love it! Not surprisingly, the center in AR has thrived under Drew's leadership. Duh! My man can do anything. So proud of him. 

Then there's little old me. 

I've never tried so many different things in my entire life. If there's a meeting/church group - I go to it. If there's a party - I'm usually there. I've joined MOPS, I teach cubbies, and I try to get involved in any church activities I can. I'm finding that I really enjoy it! As a textbook introvert, it can get exhausting, but I think God is helping to sustain me! 

The process of 'fitting in' isn't easy. I'm not interested in changing who I am for anyone except God. 

I like me (most of me haha) and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's the 'refining process' that is a challenge. In trying 'everything' it's only natural to have a bad 'fit' or experience. Boy is that true. I must exhude 'crazy' because that just seems to be the thing that finds me. I've got story after story of things I've experienced that are nothing short of soap opera drama. It's to the point that I just have to laugh. 

It can be tough at times. Making new friends, finding out people weren't who you thought they were, hoping the people you've left behind aren't forgetting you. Like I said, it's a refining process. 

Pressure makes diamonds. Quality stays. 

I'm looking forward to getting to know people better and hopefully forming some strong, lasting relationships. I definitely feel like God is placing certain people in my life for this. 

In times of disappointment and frustration I remind myself that every person in my life was put there by God for whatever reason.....and I'm in their lives for His purpose, too. I've come to the realization that instead of worrying so much about what to do/say/be, I need to just pray that I'm whatever God wants me to be in people's lives. 

If you know me well, you know I'm a skosh 'different'. That wasn't an accident. God made me that way because He has a purpose for my life. That's what I want. His purpose. 

That's how life should work, right?

Talk to you in six months. 

Lauren

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

Well, I think this is officially the week that everyone has already bailed on their New Years resolutions. 

You know I'm right. Calendar production companies should just go ahead and write that on in. 

Typically I don't make New Years resolutions because I know me: probably not gonna follow thru. 

It's like a diet. I don't believe in diets. I believe in lifestyle changes. Think of it this way: changing something so drastically to accomplish a 'small' goal you may have might be a quick way to reach the goal, but if you can't live with the changes forever, you will ultimately be unsuccessful in your journey. 

Also, pick something that actually matters to you. Yeah it might be nice for some to look great in a bikini, but will that matter to you in 20, 40, or 60 years? 

(Totally not advocating an unhealthy lifestyle. And if you're rocking your bikini, good for you!!! Just saying, that's not me.)

Last week in our Sunday school class, our teacher spoke on a topic that really hit home to me and I decided I officially needed to make a lifestyle change now more than ever. 

He spoke on love vs. hate. 

Is it easier to love or hate? 

I know my answer. Now for my confession:

I hate Ft. Smith, Arkansas. 

Let me get out my negative rant first:

We were happy in Omaha. We loved it there. My family is there. Our friends are there. I felt loved and needed there. THERE WAS STUFF TO DO!!!

Southern charm is definitely a thing, but it's fake. It's extremely difficult to get past the friendly veneer to the genuine person sometimes. Ft. Smith is a tough town if you're the new kid. People have their established groups. Not much room for new or different. This isn't true of everyone, but a decent majority. 

My first experiences here were very negative and hurtful.  I'm wounded and quite frankly, I'd like to just give up on trying. 

How is that better though?

My second confession might be more shocking than the first:

I haven't regretted moving here for a second. 

We knew for a fact that God wanted us to move here, so we did. I cling to that every day. 

If God wanted us here, it wasn't random. He has a purpose for us here. 

Call me crazy but I think it's safe to say that God didn't intend for me to just keep my living room couch company all day. 

That means I've gotta try... which means I've gotta love. 

It's my choice. I can see this for what it is- an opportunity- and choose to NOT waste it. 

I will make a conscious effort every day to "put on love" ( Col. 3:14) even if it means I might get hurt again. People always disappoint. God doesn't. I'm listening to Him now. 

I will try to get plugged in to groups at church that I enjoy and hopefully, while growing closer to God, make some great friends in the process. 

I actually have a lot of love to give. Now I'm going to. 

I don't enjoy this negativity I've felt here! I love to love, give, serve, and help!!! 

I'm praying for more opportunities to do those things :). 

In summation, my life change goal is this: 

LOVE Ft. Smith. 

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Sincerely Yours, The Breakfast Club

Well, the Schneider family is officially living in Arkansas....there's something I never thought I'd say!

Here's a little update on how things have been going for us since our big move a month ago:


For some reason, at the very beginning of the year I felt as though God had some sort of 'trial' or 'difficult learning experience' for us this year. Being the hypochondriac I am, I immediately assumed it meant cancer and death for me. Thankfully, so far at least, those things have not been in the picture. I know God never gives us more than we can handle, and I definitely would not trade our problems for anyone else's, but I had no idea how difficult this year would be. I especially didn't think Arkansas would be this years' antagonist!

As you may know, Drew has been traveling back and forth to Arkansas since April of this year. This was completely out of left field. It isn't something we asked for; it isn't something we wanted. Nevertheless, it happened. Drew was gone more than he was home every month. It was very hard on Jude; he started getting really clingy and having complete breakdowns if Drew or I even just left the room. It was very hard on me in just about every way possible. If it weren't for my parents, sister, friends, and Jude's babysitter, I'm pretty sure I would have lost it. I admit, I definitely had a few breakdowns. Tears were a recurring theme this year. We attended a church near the air force base in Omaha so similar situations happened to friends of ours, and I cannot imagine how difficult military wives have it when their spouses are deployed for months, even years at a time! Hands down, they are some of the strongest women in the world.

The travel schedule was increasing each month and Drew was continually being asked if he'd be willing to relocate to Arkansas. Uh...absolutely not!!! OMAHA is our home! That's where our family is! Our whole support system! Our beloved church! Our house! Finally, they stopped asking.

Fall was approaching and Drew was facing more trips away. I finally just had a complete nervous breakdown and bawled my eyes out to him. I couldn't take it anymore and for the first time I think Drew finally understood how hard his work schedule was on our family (don't get me wrong; Drew was supportive and helpful throughout this whole ordeal. It was crazy hard on him too! He was being pulled in four different directions at once and I think we'd both reached a breaking point.). We both knew that something had to change. We both felt it; like God was telling us something was going to happen. I just thought it meant Drew wouldn't have to travel anymore and would get to do the job he actually wanted. I guess I was partly right, haha.

The question came again. "Drew, what is it going to take to get you to relocate to Fort Smith, Arkansas for the next 12-18 months?" I believe that was the exact question that was posed. I was on the way to see a movie with my friend Ciara (who was also in the 'husband-is-away' boat with me) when Drew called me to chat and told me what was asked of him. Both of us had the same words coming out of our mouths (No way! Not ever!), all the while both feeling in our hearts, "I think we're supposed to say 'yes' to this." By the end of the conversation, we decided this was it; we were waving the white flag and giving in. We both immediately felt like a weight was lifted off of our shoulders.

After lots of stress and tears...here we are. In Arkansas. The actual move wasn't terrible. The company relocated us so I didn't have to pack a single box (which was absolutely ideal because I don't know if I could have emotionally handled packing up our perfect house in Omaha). Unpacking is always overwhelming but I really don't have anything to complain about. That's life! If a box is packed, it will eventually have to be unpacked. Apparently though I was under more stress than I realized because for the second time in my life (the first being when my body was under the stress of being 36 weeks pregnant), I got shingles. Ugh. So...much...pain! Like the first time, it affected my back, which was NOT helpful trying to unpack and lift heavy things.

*For those of you who have been blessed enough to not have experienced shingles, for me this is how it feels: severe body aches like the flu + the feeling of a really large bruise + the 'sensitive to the touch' feeling of a bad sunburn + extreme fatigue = shingles on Lauren's back.*

Fortunately I had some meds left over from the first bout so I was able to heal fairly quickly. I wasn't the only one who had health issues when we moved; Drew caught a severe cold and Jude, we discovered, cannot tolerate the tap water here (horrible digestive issues are the result) so he is exclusively on bottled water. We tried introducing britta filtered water, but it still causes 'yuckies' so bottled it is for the lad!

As of now, we are probably 90% settled in terms of unpacking (the garage is still a hot mess), and all health issues have ceased (for now at least). Drew loves his job and is having great success at it (like that was a surprise....Drew's the best at what he does!). Judes' temperament has improved significantly! It is definitely noticeable that he feels much more at ease knowing daddy comes home every single night. I think its noticeable in all of us: we're a family again. It. Is. Wonderful.

I'll be perfectly honest; I still have a difficult time with things. I am beyond thankful that our awesome little family is together, and I still feel that God wanted us to make this move and I'm happy that we did, but this is harder than I expected.

I'm a stay at home mommy and I love it, but it also makes it more difficult to not feel 'alone'. In Omaha, I would go out with my mom, my sister, my friends, and there were numerous places to go and so many fun things to do! Not to be a pessimist, but there just isn't anything here. I know the people aspect of everything will take time and that's ok! We've already made a few friends and we've found a great church and small group to attend so I'm sure many more new friends are right around the corner. **Brief side note: how did we find a church we love so quickly? Our neighbor is the college pastor. Go ahead and try to say that isn't just straight up a "God thing" :)**
The whole 'things to do' aspect of Fort Smith is a little more challenging. When we ask people what there is to do around here, most people list things that are two to three hours away. The people who don't give us that answer are the ones that say, "Well...there really isn't much to do here." Alrighty then!

Fort Smith is much smaller than Omaha, obviously, but it really is a sweet little town with lots of potential! I've said to a few people that I feel like I need to go to a city council meeting because there are so many things that could happen here that just aren't. I've been told that the 'powers that be' in this town are kind of stuck in their ways and do not like change. Oh well, it is what it is. I do have to say that boutique shopping Omaha vs. Fort Smith.... point Fort Smith! Seriously girlfriends, come down and go shopping with me :).

Culturally it's been a bit of a shock. There have been many times that Drew and I have literally had to ask people, "What is this? Is this a 'thing' here?" For example; half the town is closed on Sunday (not bad, just different), a 15% tip at a restaurant is extravagant, and don't even get me started on the term "y'all" haha. Even the grass is different here than in Omaha! Oh and going back to shopping; any of my Omaha girls tell me what a 'piko' is? This was a new experience for me but pikos are a fashion staple in the south! I bought a couple. They're nice! I think we should start that being 'a thing' up north.

I still get down every once in a while. I am blessed to have many people and places to miss in Omaha. I'll be honest, it doesn't feel like 'home' here yet. In my experience though, that feeling sort of sneaks up on you and you don't even realize it until it's time to leave. That's my hope. That not only will we be moving back to Omaha after these 18 months, but that we will have many places and loved ones to miss when we do. 

If God brings you to it, He'll help you thru it. I know He wants better things for us than we can even fathom. It'll be interesting and exciting to see what that looks like.

If I may, a few things that we could use prayer for:

1. Me possibly getting a part time job. (Just for something to do! This would obviously effect Jude a great deal so he obviously is the number one thing to consider in this decision.)

2. Friends for all of us.

3. Comfort in times of stress and loneliness (and when we're feeling super homesick).

4. Continued success in Drew's career.

5. Opportunities for God to use us here in FSM.

6. Jude's tummy issues.

7. Holiday travels.


Thank you so much.

Lastly, here is my message to Omaha:

Love y'all

 

(haha)

 

Lauren

Hey Jude

Dear Jude,

First off, let me be terribly cliché and say that time went way too fast. I cannot believe that it is your first birthday already! By the way, you are officially grounded because when you were a week old, I told you that you were not allowed to grow up. You were supposed to stay little. It was the very first time you disobeyed me ;). You've gotten so big! I'll never forget the day you were born. It was the happiest day of my life.

Second, I just want you to know how much you were and are wanted. For a few years, your dad and I weren't sure we would be able to have children. The thought of it was probably one of the deepest hurts I knew. It was a struggle every day, week, month, year. I am not ashamed to say that we ended up getting some medical help...and miraculously, it worked the very first try. The overwhelming joy I felt when I found out we were pregnant with you is unlike anything in the world. From the moment I knew you existed, I was extremely proud of you. The next nine months were horrible, haha. I had every negative pregnancy side effect in the book! To be honest I miss being pregnant at times though. Feeling you move and kick and hiccup inside of me was the most special and beautiful thing ever. I would drink orange juice every day to make you wiggle even more! It was comforting to me. I knew you were okay if you were wiggling. By the time you are able to read and understand this, you may find it funny to know that I was crazy and a worrier even before you were born...something I'm sure you're all too familiar with now. I think the fact that I didn't even know if you were possible for me made you all the more precious. When the time came for you to make your entrance into the world, I was so nervous! First of all because I didn't know how I could do it! I'd never given birth before and I really didn't have a choice in the matter, haha...you were coming ready or not! Second of all because I was worried I wouldn't be good enough for you. As you also know honey, I'm far from perfect. And as bad as I want it, I can never be perfect enough for you. Looking back I'd have to say I was more than prepared for you in the most important way (aside from having a proper car seat because without that, the hospital wouldn't have let us take you home!) : I loved you with all that I had. And as much as I think each day that I couldn't possibly love you more... I do. More each day. Forever and beyond.

Third, I want you to know how special you are. Every good parent thinks their child is wonderful....and I'm the most correct of all in thinking it :). I'm not trying to say that some parents don't love or appreciate their children as much as others, but I do think that I love and appreciate you in a different way because I, like many other moms, know a devastating time 'without'. This is a fact: You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Your dad and I waited for you...not knowing if you would even come. God gives you exactly what you need exactly when you need it. Want to know what I think? God knew it was the perfect time for us to have a baby and so He went to my Grandma Phillips and Grandma Simmerman (who are both in Heaven) and told them to pick out the best baby for me...and they picked you:). You're everything I could have wanted and more. You're not perfect... you can have quite the attitude sometimes (hereditary), but I would never wish for any other child in your place. From a small age we could already tell that you were very smart and very strong! You've always been so vocal and chatty with the best sense of humor and comedic timing:). I'm so excited to see you grow and develop your amazing personality even more. You are so much fun to be around! Jude, we're soul mates... and I couldn't be happier about that.

Lastly, I want to say thank you. Thank you for so much more than I can even express right now. Thank you for the joy and laughter you brought into my life. Thank you for giving me a feeling of belonging and purpose. You are a gift from God and I feel it wholeheartedly. Thank you for making me feel complete (that's not to say I don't want you to have brothers or sisters someday, but I just never felt completely myself until you came along). Thank you for bringing me closer to God. When you become a parent a long LONG time from now, you'll understand :).

In closing I just want to say that I wish so much for you. So much joy and adventure! I want you to know that I'm always here for you whenever you need me. Even if you mess up. We all mess up, honey! There's nothing you can do that will stop me loving you. I want you to know that I'm here to support you. I apologize in advance because I'm also here to unintentionally embarrass you. I will help you in any way that I can. You can always talk to me about anything. I wish for you to have a heart and a love for others. I wish for you to show the world what a good example of a Christian should be. I wish for you to be strong because times will get hard. I wish for you to have a good work ethic and to do your best in everything you do (A+ or C+; no matter what your best looks like). I wish for you to love music like I do (I think that you already do!). In short, I wish for you to have a long happy and healthy life with good friends, prosperity, a love for God, and a wonderful wife and children someday (but you're sooo not allowed to move far away from me!).

Baby, you're just everything.
I love you,
Mommy

The Aftermath

A friend of mine suggested I start a fashion and beauty blog. I was BEYOND flattered, but seeing as how I only post like, once a year....I'm not sure how helpful I would be! End of introduction.


Wow, the last blog was about me giving birth! That seems so long ago....like it didn't actually happen or something! Anyway, here's what's been going...

Shortly after Jude was born, Drew informed me that we would be able to have me be a stay at home mom! Eight months later- I am now convinced it was the best decision ever. Don't get me wrong; I've always enjoyed being home with Jude (I occasionally get cabin fever, but that's only natural I think), but once you leave the 9-5 (or in a childcare setting, 6-5) to stay home full time, it's a bit 'mind-bottling' (like when things are so crazy, your mind feels like its trapped in a bottle ;D). Mommy hormones don't help the situation either.

When I first began my S.A.H.M journey, it was very easy to feel worthless. I watch this child sleep all day, I don't bring in any money, I am not beneficial to my family because I am now lazy. I struggled with the decision! Mostly from a financial standpoint. Like somehow my worth as a person had been wrapped up in the extravagant paycheck I was receiving as a childcare provider (haha, wink). My mom told me she'd read an article that broke down what one would have to pay for each of the services a mom provides for her children....and it was higher than most people could ever afford. Then I asked Drew if we did the right thing in having me stay home and he said, "Absolutely. And I think the evidence is how great Jude is." That made me cry! Jude is an amazing kid. He's always had the best personality and temperament and I do not take credit for that, but when Drew basically credited me for Judes awesomeness, that touched my heart. Over these past eight months, it has been confirmed to me over and over in tiny ways that this is where I belong and I wouldn't want it any other way:). Boy does it jostle your confidence at first, though!!

Ah confidence. That's another thing. So here are the facts: I had a baby. I gained weight. I do not have a personal trainer (unless you count my bff Amanda, who tolerates me tagging along to the gym with her :P) nor do I have a nanny. I am not, nor will I ever be Kate Middleton stick figure sized. You think that's funny, you don't like it, "What's MY excuse??" Suck it.

 I'll admit it, body after baby isn't easy to deal with at times! I am trying to work on myself but I haven't reached my goals yet and that's ok. (Gotta work to convince myself occasionally that 'its ok!!!') As someone who has struggled with an eating disorder and weight problems in the past, I think the mental part of the struggle is more challenging at times. I am very proud to be a mother! It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Period. I want to be the best that I can be for my son. I think that's the thing to focus on. Instead of "I want to fit into this dress" or "I need to look hot in a bikini" I need to focus on "How can I instill healthful habits into my life so that I can pass them along to Jude so he doesn't have to worry or struggle with the same things that Drew and I have struggled with?"  Haha, the lighter side of this is that I have to teach Jude AND Drew about vegetables (i.e. A POTATO IS NOT A VEGETABLE).  Anyway, we've been doing a lot of "clean eating" and I'm convinced that is the way to do it, for our family, at least. Not "dieting", but choosing to live in a certain way. Jude doesn't need a super skinny mommy (even though I'll admit I would like to fit that title just a little!!!), Jude needs a healthy mommy.

Society complicates this :/. Don't even get me started on that "What's your excuse?" chick who was A PERSONAL TRAINER, but she proves a point: Society states that looking like anything but a fitness model after baby isn't just unacceptable, its repulsive and undesirable. I know, I know. I'm heading down the road to the 'positive body image/real women have curves' soapbox, but seriously: we can't all look like that. And. That. Is. Okay.  I want to be strong, confident, and healthy. Most importantly, I want to be a great mommy.

I have no clue who (if anyone,lol) actually reads this blog but if anyone is struggling with anything of this sort, hit me up. Maybe we can help each other:).

Anyway, I do want to start blogging more often! Sometimes it helps me just to get my words out. Thanks for reading :)

Lauren

P.S. This is what I dressed up as last Halloween: Pregnant but also Brand from "The Goonies". Haha. Happy Fall!

Ready...Set....PUSH!

Clearly this post will be chronicling my labor and delivery experience. It will not get graphic, so fret not.

So where were we?

My last post talked about how I had to start maternity leave two weeks earlier than expected and the worries that resulted...God provided and we're doing well.

So baby just kept dropping lower and lower during my maternity-leave-without-baby. I spent two weeks in bed, couldn't walk, watching "Roseanne" marathons on T.V. The pain was bad but the worst part was the boredom. Hardly anything to complain about though! I'm sure that'd sound like a vacation to some people :). Anyway, I learned a lot about parenting from Roseanne.

When I wasn't in bed, I was traveling to the doctor to see if I was anymore dilated/effaced. The answer was always 'no' and the pain just kept getting worse. My doctor told me to try some Evening Primrose Oil capsules on a Friday appointment and we'd see if I'd progressed any by my Monday appointment...if I had progressed, she'd have us induced on that following Friday. If I hadn't progressed, she'd let me go a week past my due date---AAAHHH! I knew I couldn't take that! I took that EPO like it was going out of style. That Monday we got the good news that there was indeed progress! Praise the Lord!!! The doc also gave us the news that instead of being induced that Friday, we'd be induced that Thursday (our actual due date)! We got all geared up to be back at the hospital at 6am, Thursday, February 21.

This left me with three whole days to f-r-e-a-k o-u-t. The most common stories (on google, that is, haha) of being induced involve labor lasting two days, pitocin contractions being waaaay stronger than normal ones, pitocin competing with epidural leading to an emergency c-section. Basically everything that scared me and plagued my mind. What was this going to feel like? I've never given birth before!!! Did I have everything ready? What else do I need? How long will this take? What if I can't get an epidural? What if something goes wrong and baby gets hurt? What if I'm not a good mom? What if I literally get split completely in half like a wishbone??? (Ok that one is a little much...) Anyway...point being: Me=spazzing.

Thursday morning alarm goes off at 4:00am. Past the point of no return... that was the weirdest morning of getting ready I've ever had. Being scared like something bad was going to happen, but being excited because the result was going to be the most wonderful thing ever. We loaded up the car and were on our way. "Snowmageddon" was supposed to happen later that day, but at 5:30am, there wasn't a snowflake around. We drove past a Walmart and I couldn't believe how packed the parking lot was! Snow paranoia had set in the whole city, I guess. (Later on in the day we'd see out the window that everything was completely covered in a beautiful blanket of pure white snow. Loved it.)

We got to the hospital, checked in, and were escorted to our L&D room. Everything was so...weird. It was completely dead at the hospital (we were only one of three women who were giving birth there that day) so we immediately had three nurses jumping to help us get all settled in. They were the night shift L&D nurses and they'd be off soon and boy was I thankful. One of the nurses was so rude and treated me like I was an idiot. She checked my cervix and rolled her eyes and sighed and told me that I was going to be there for a while. Yeah....a real peach. I was thrilled when she left.

The one nurse that stayed until the day nurse came was really nice. She got me hooked up to my I.V. and started the pitocin. Then my day L&D nurse came in and she was the best possible nurse I could have had. Her name was Dana and she was fabulous. She laughed with us, talked with us, and made the whole process so much less scary.

By 8:00am my doctor came in to break my water. I thought that'd hurt really bad but it didn't at all. It was extremely weird though! There's just something about seemingly 'wetting the bed' that makes you feel like a jerk or something. My doctor encouraged me after she examined my progress by letting me know that I was further along than she'd expected and would probably have the baby around 5:00pm that night. I was so happy I wasn't going to be in labor for days!

After a while, Dana said it was time to walk some laps in the hallway to make my contractions stronger. First lap around the hallways: ouch...so that's what a baaaad contraction feels like. Second lap: holy crap...I stopped back in the room and told Dana they were getting really bad. She said, "Great!!! Keep walking!" Third lap: couldn't take it anymore! Went back to the room, Dana checked to see how dilated I was and pronounced me eligible for an epidural :)! Yay! She got the anesthesiologist and I got juiced up (getting the epidural was one of the most painful events, but still not terrible). The contraction pain almost immediately went away and I was feeling good. Drew, Mom, Dana, and I talked and joked and had a grand old time. Drew and Mom went to get something to eat and Dana told me I should really take a nap. I'd only gotten about 4 hours of sleep the night before but I still felt great. I shut my eyes, Dana went on break, and another nurse came to fill in. I didn't have much shut-eye because I started feeling my contractions on my right side again.

When Dana, Drew, and Mom came back (by this time, Kati had come as well), my pain had gotten pretty bad and they called in the anesthesiologist again to give me a 'boost'. It didn't really work and Dana said that she was going to check my cervix again because that was a sign that things were progressing fast. Yup! Before I knew it she said I was at 10 cm! She called my doctor and she couldn't believe it! She came in to see me and said "You are a rockstar!" So here I am, ready to push... ah here it goes.

Sidenote: In mental preparation for giving birth, I'd decided that logically, it made sense to push your brains out to make things go really fast and to potentially avoid becoming a human wishbone. I decided I was going to be the best pusher they'd ever seen.

Started pushing about 1:45pm and whereas I had the epidural and wasn't feeling as much as I could have, I think I felt more than I should have. A coworker of mine said when her sister gave birth all natural, she concentrated on keeping loose and relaxed during contractions: that didn't work for me. I tried staying loose, gripping something really tight, and nothing worked. The thing that did work for me? Making ridiculous 'strong man competition' faces. I knew I looked stupid but it helped me! Drew said it was all he could do to not laugh at me. Whatevs. Haha.

Here I am, pushing as hard as I can, Drew holding my leg on one side, Dana on the other. There are two awkward spotlights pointed towards the 'action' and they made me way too hot so I asked Kati if she'd please fan me. It felt like an absurd diva demand but she was like, "Of course!" and I was in pain. So there.

Pushing that baby head past my pelvic bone almost killed me. Pretty soon though, the doctor said, "Just one more push!" and he was out! He came out wiggling his head with excellent neck control and the doctor said that was why I was in so much pain leading up to labor, haha.

Before I knew it, I had my beautiful son in my arms. He didn't look all gross like some of the babies 'fresh out' looked on television, he was pretty clean! I counted his little fingers and toes. He was perfect. He was wonderful. He was finally out!

Jude Rain Schneider was born at 3:13 pm, February 21, 2013. 20.5 inches long, 8 lbs 2 oz. 100% the best thing that has ever happened to us.

 

(Jude at 9 days old)

 

 

He's so good. Too good. So good that I worry that he's too good....waiting for the 'catch'. My friend told me that my pregnancy was the catch. Haha.

 

 

Now my life is all about him and I couldn't love it more. Yes, I worry a lot...probably more than I should- "Is he breathing???" (I ask that way too much I'm sure. I've lost a lot of sleep staring at him making sure he was breathing. It probably doesn't help that before you leave the hospital they make you watch the scariest video ever on SIDS.)

 

Things are going very well so far. Just getting used to life with Jude, breastfeeding, and hopefully not having to go back to work! That is something you can pray for us about.  Drew was able to have two weeks off for his paternity leave. He goes back to work tomorrow :(. I'll probably be a crying mess. It's been so nice having so much help! He's seriously the best dad ever. He gets up with Jude in the middle of the night more often than most dad's do I'm sure!

 

I can't imagine life without Jude now. I can't believe I lived without him! We've never felt so 'whole' than we do now as parents. God has blessed us with exactly the best child ever for us. We are so thankful.

 

 

I'm looking forward to Jude being able to see us clearly and smile at us :). He smiles a lot already so I'm hoping those won't be in short supply! (He gets that from his mommy :D)

 

I'm dreading when he's older and tells me he hates me for the first time. I'm pretty sure that'll kill me.

 

The memory of how horrible my pregnancy was has definitely faded. I don't think you ever forget completely. I personally just don't care how bad it was anymore. It was well worth it. I do occasionally miss him being in my tummy. The first time I laid in bed at home and rolled over on my stomach I about cried. "He used to be in there and I couldn't do this before!" I watch him wiggle so much and I remember what it felt like inside of me. I hope I never forget that feeling. I treasure everything about this experience now.

 

Anyway, Jude needs mommy right now so I'd better wrap this up. It was extra lengthy this time for my own benefit of remembering and documenting details.

 



Love, Lauren